Hey Listen.

The ancient Indian text Milinda Pañha records an exchange between the Indo-Greek king Milinda (Menander) and the Buddhist monk Nāgasena. When the king fails to understand a point made by Nāgasena, he asks, ‘Will you discuss with me again?’

Nāgasena says, ‘If Your Majesty will discuss as a scholar (paṇḍitapa), yes; but if you discuss as a king, no.’

‘How do scholars discuss?’

‘When scholars talk a matter over with each other, there is a winding up, an unravelling; distinctions are made and counter-distinctions; one or other is convinced of error, and then acknowledges his mistake; and yet thereby, they are not angered. Thus, do scholars, O king, discuss.’

‘And how do kings discuss?’

‘When a king, your Majesty, discusses a matter, and he advances a point, if anyone differs from him on that point, he is apt to fine him saying: “Inflict such and such a punishment upon that fellow!” Thus, Your Majesty, do kings discuss.’

(Excerpts from the book Between Hope and Despair, Rajiv Bhargava.)

How often we complaint that someone so and so didn’t listen us properly and misunderstood.  It is not unusual to see friends generating confusions and even grudges resulting from not listening to the meaning that was being conveyed.

US Journalist Kate Murphy in her book You are Not Listening highlights that it is only by listening that we engage, understand, connect, empathize and develop as human beings. So listening carefully is critical for our understanding as well as for how the speech is going to shape us.

There are songs, in languages other than those we speak, that we often hear and can recite the lyrics even without understanding anything at all. There are many songs in vernaculars that I often listen to and can sing along when they are being played, in Kashmiri, Assamese, Bengali, Punjabi, Malayalam, Tamil, Kannada etc. Most of them I don’t understand, but I have listened to them carefully.

And there is another aspect of listening as well, listening to the non-verbal language, body language and emotions on the face of speaker. I recall meeting children somewhere on an island in Bay of Bengal who didn’t speak Hindi, and I didn’t speak Bengali, however I remember how beautifully they were singing a song about the sea.

In the movie Kantara, the protagonist Shiva, before the climax fight, talks of listening to the voice of the forest where the demigod of his village resided. Many tribals who reside in forests often seek refuge in Gods and demigods of the jungle, they talk, listen and communicate with them without any language. It is said that if you listen carefully, the jungle talks with us. In different cultures the same is said about the ocean, mountains, rivers and so on.

And then there is passive listening, like as I am listening to some marathi song while typing this write up. We hear, but don’t listen. We just give our ears to the words that are coming, however we don’t deal with them. That is often the case when we are not mentally present in the conversation, however we don’t want to show disrespect to the speaker either, so we hear them out.  However, it is not the listening. It is said that listening is not just passive activity, it rather requires intention, attention and effort.

So, how do we listen?

In the book ‘The Listening Life’ Adam S McHugh suggests ways to develop contemplative listening habits. It is the foremost requirement to create space for silence. Reflection and introspection is crucial to keep this silence in mind.  There is a need to practice mindful listening, ie paying attention to the moment we are in and being fully engaged. If we pay attention to words, as well as observe body language, we can infer the real meaning of what is being conveyed. Generating curiosity in what is being discussed is also critical aspect of contemplative listening.

So it would be helpful to the speaker as well as the listener, if both focus on what is being said, and not prepare simultaneously in mind what to say next.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”

Till we meet again.

D Ram

Being Happy.

(Happy Ammu with The Elephant Whisperers)

You must remember some children who were grinning from ear to ear for no particular reason. I often see my 2-year-old nephew being jubilant upon hearing my father calling him. My father, who is in his early 70s, and his grandchildren are just thrilled to be in each other's company. You and I, too, were once those children who would float in the air after seeing a bird or being given a toy. (Are now just scrolling screens for hours and hours, replying LOL to every third text, while not even being LOQ (laughing out Quietly ))

Recently, the United Nations published a report measuring the Happiness, ranking India 125 out of 146. While many technical and other types of arguments can be put forward to dismiss the indices that put us behind Pakistan, Ukraine, and Iraq, but what’s the points? The blog shouldn’t be another place for academic jargon about the indices.

We should try to explore the concept a bit. One of the greatest thinkers, Aristotle, would say that "rational activity in pursuit of knowledge will (hopefully) lead to clarity, a by-product of which is happiness." So basically, you have to have knowledge and the ability to rationally think, and that would lead to clarity. It might entail being educated. However, herein, education isn't limited to knowledge of letters but rather a thinking mind. I have seen many people who have had no formal education, yet they go about their existence feeling elated most of the time. They face the most difficult of times without being shaken to their core. They seem to have acquired the clarity’ that Aristotle talked about.

Another philosophical interpretation of the idea comes from Buddha. Buddha calls happiness an internal state of well-being arising from a wholesome mental state and actions. The Dalai Lama elaborates on the idea, linking it with the calm and composed life achieved through mindfulness.

However, most of us who feel happy (the frequency varying for each one of us) at times feel it way different than what we felt as children. I believe children are happy, while adults feel happy. The difference between being and doing . Being in a state is so blissful. See a child who just met her father after a long time. While feeling happy would entail a sense of having achieved something, like the news of India winning a match in general and against Pakistan in particular (the degree varying for each one of us).

In our normal existence, the common problems of life like heavy traffic, breathing poisonous air, and congested routes make us unhappy. Seeing grave crimes being committed, wars being declared, natural disasters causing havoc, etc., despite not directly affecting us, do make us feel unhappy or sad. This implies that having knowledge might also cause us unhappiness. You must recall the idiom "ignorance is bliss". I feel it is true to a great extent.

Sant Kabir Das Ji puts it very aptly when he says,

सुखिया सब संसार है, खाए अरु सोवै।

दुखिया दास कबीर है, जागै अरु रोवै ।।

That means the whole world is blissfully ignorant; it just satisfies the appetite and sleeps. Kabir is enlightened yet sad, awakened but sad about the world.

However, not all philosophies make you guilty of being ignorant. According to one of the earliest Indian philosophical schools, Charvaka, all the pleasures and pains of the world are to be experienced through the senses only; hence, the goal of life is to pursue pleasure and avoid pain. Utilitarians in the west have expanded it to the greatest happiness of the greatest numbers, while the ubiquitous materialism has the same idea at its core.

So you must be thinking, Does the author have something to offer as a solution, or is he just describing random ideas he read here and there?

The short answer is no. The long answer is that we collectively haven’t yet arrived at the conclusion of what defines happiness and what would lead to an eternal state of bliss. However, Through what we have read and, moreover, what we have experienced so far, happiness is there in the little acts of our existence.

At times, when we have a lot of energy and are young, climbing a mountain is happiness (a sense of achievement), while when hungry, being able to have a good meal is happiness (satisfaction). To the ice-cream vendor, completing the stock is happiness (earning), while for an athlete breaking a record is happiness (improving). A child is happy in his mother’s lap, and a disappointed lover is holding hands with his beloved (a sense of security). When thirsty on a hot day, clinching the thirst with cold water is happiness, while late at night being able to complete the task for the day is happiness. The list goes on.

Beyond all this, we must have the ability to accept the pros and cons of our choices, face the outcomes, and not be heartbroken when they are terrible. Robert Frost put it very nicely in his poem If: "If you can meet with triumph and disaster, And treat those two imposters just the same."

If you felt bored reading this, I am attaching links to the poem and a song. Go check them out.

1. Poem https://poets.org/poem/if

2. Movie - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0J0b_OVa9w

3. Hindi song- itna kuch to hai khush hone ko- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3Xabd8gGeQ

(Be a good reader; write a comment.)

- D Ram.