Hey Listen.

The ancient Indian text Milinda Pañha records an exchange between the Indo-Greek king Milinda (Menander) and the Buddhist monk Nāgasena. When the king fails to understand a point made by Nāgasena, he asks, ‘Will you discuss with me again?’

Nāgasena says, ‘If Your Majesty will discuss as a scholar (paṇḍitapa), yes; but if you discuss as a king, no.’

‘How do scholars discuss?’

‘When scholars talk a matter over with each other, there is a winding up, an unravelling; distinctions are made and counter-distinctions; one or other is convinced of error, and then acknowledges his mistake; and yet thereby, they are not angered. Thus, do scholars, O king, discuss.’

‘And how do kings discuss?’

‘When a king, your Majesty, discusses a matter, and he advances a point, if anyone differs from him on that point, he is apt to fine him saying: “Inflict such and such a punishment upon that fellow!” Thus, Your Majesty, do kings discuss.’

(Excerpts from the book Between Hope and Despair, Rajiv Bhargava.)

How often we complaint that someone so and so didn’t listen us properly and misunderstood.  It is not unusual to see friends generating confusions and even grudges resulting from not listening to the meaning that was being conveyed.

US Journalist Kate Murphy in her book You are Not Listening highlights that it is only by listening that we engage, understand, connect, empathize and develop as human beings. So listening carefully is critical for our understanding as well as for how the speech is going to shape us.

There are songs, in languages other than those we speak, that we often hear and can recite the lyrics even without understanding anything at all. There are many songs in vernaculars that I often listen to and can sing along when they are being played, in Kashmiri, Assamese, Bengali, Punjabi, Malayalam, Tamil, Kannada etc. Most of them I don’t understand, but I have listened to them carefully.

And there is another aspect of listening as well, listening to the non-verbal language, body language and emotions on the face of speaker. I recall meeting children somewhere on an island in Bay of Bengal who didn’t speak Hindi, and I didn’t speak Bengali, however I remember how beautifully they were singing a song about the sea.

In the movie Kantara, the protagonist Shiva, before the climax fight, talks of listening to the voice of the forest where the demigod of his village resided. Many tribals who reside in forests often seek refuge in Gods and demigods of the jungle, they talk, listen and communicate with them without any language. It is said that if you listen carefully, the jungle talks with us. In different cultures the same is said about the ocean, mountains, rivers and so on.

And then there is passive listening, like as I am listening to some marathi song while typing this write up. We hear, but don’t listen. We just give our ears to the words that are coming, however we don’t deal with them. That is often the case when we are not mentally present in the conversation, however we don’t want to show disrespect to the speaker either, so we hear them out.  However, it is not the listening. It is said that listening is not just passive activity, it rather requires intention, attention and effort.

So, how do we listen?

In the book ‘The Listening Life’ Adam S McHugh suggests ways to develop contemplative listening habits. It is the foremost requirement to create space for silence. Reflection and introspection is crucial to keep this silence in mind.  There is a need to practice mindful listening, ie paying attention to the moment we are in and being fully engaged. If we pay attention to words, as well as observe body language, we can infer the real meaning of what is being conveyed. Generating curiosity in what is being discussed is also critical aspect of contemplative listening.

So it would be helpful to the speaker as well as the listener, if both focus on what is being said, and not prepare simultaneously in mind what to say next.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”

Till we meet again.

D Ram